[Story] Feelings Indescribable | Bidyabati Deori
I was too determined to fulfill my dreams. I used to look into the future with a determined plan to achieve everything I wanted to. I had my blinders on and I was planning every minute detail, every minor step, working with endurance and perseverance to achieve just one thing –My Crowning Glory. I was so immersed in my dreams that I forgot to take care of myself. But she was there to look after me, to give me the necessary health supplements to say fit. To give me the much needed speed breaker so that I slowed down my pace a bit and didn’t stress myself out. I did not notice her then.
When I became frustrated and gave up hope, it seemed like I had reached a dead end, a dark tunnel with no ray of light. The feelings of negativity had overpowered me. Even then, like a guiding angel, she was there to protect me from my own negative emotions, show me the right path, stay with me in those dark tunnels and give me company. She made me smile in those trying moments. I still did not notice her.
I was moving at such a fast pace that I left everything behind; the only thing visible to me was my goal. Emotions took a backstage and my eyes got filled with cold emptiness. I became a living robot. She was still there, standing right behind me, accepting my aloofness sans any judgment and bearing my coldness. Even then, I didn’t notice her.
Finally, on the day I reached my goal, I was engulfed by a delightful calmness. There was serenity flowing through me and I felt like I had won a huge battle in life. But the celebrations felt incomplete and I realized that I was missing something very important in life. I noticed her then.
I picked up my mobile and called her…. After the third ring, a stranger picked up the call.
Stranger: Hello, who is this???
Me: Hello, who are you?? This is my Mother’s number.
Stranger: I’m so sorry but your mother has met with an accident on the road and has passed away.
The phone fell from my hand. I went numb. I fell on my knees and shouted out loud, crying uncontrollably – “Mom, come back to me, I need you now. Why have you left me alone?? Sorry I did not notice you then, but I do now. Please come back”
I went to the site of the accident and found her lying lifelessly, but with a smile on her face, content with the fact that her son had achieved his goal and she had stood by him throughout. I wanted her to wake up. I prayed. I cried. I called out for her. I wanted a miracle to happen. I could have given away all my achievements, if that could have brought her back to me. But miracles don’t happen in life. Here I was, a successful yet empty man, with the real reason for all his goals – Gone.